Chapter 2: Pressed Facets of Development

If You Think About a Diamond

By Alexia Jasmene

Her name was with a T that I will not name, and she looked like a beautiful boy with long dark brown hair. On the other side of the gym she was, and then I started to have a buzz. A buzz of desire, of emotion, of fire. My first crush and the buzz kept working. My attraction was deep, a little too deep to be something of normal course.

I wanted her long flowing hair, her smaller figure, and it began to throw me in despair. How could I want to be with this girl AND want to be her. I remembered the Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde the made me think boys became girls and had me wishing. So this built, this buzz, until masturbation was. Then things increased with confusion as I began to suffer from delusions of secret fantasies as an alternate life, all the while coming to the lord and punishing myself.

Reflections

By Alexia Jasmene

Verse 1
I walk alone
Surrounded by
The silence of my thoughts

Feeling the stares inside
As I traverse
My own despair

Always wearing a face
That changes with
Every passing day

Hoping the day will come
When my own face
Is something I won’t shun

Chorus
Look I’ve had enough
Of hiding behind all of
These various masks

I am choosing to look
At my reflection
And embrace all my past

As seasons change
I feel awake
For the first time
I am free just to be

My heart is racing
As I begin to realize
That I’ve got nothing to hide

Verse2
Nothing inside of me
Is holding onto
The things I used to be

It has melted away
With the warmth
Of my inner rays

I can see myself
In the puddle
Of my melted shame

And I have to say
I’ve never seen a
Better day

Chorus

Bridge
I am like the wind
Blowing free among the earth and sky

I embrace my past
I embrace myself and I feel like I can fly

Chorus

Can You See the Real Me

By Vivian Riona

Scene ONE

CUE LIGHTS: Start in darkness and fade up lights at back at stage so audience sees VIVIAN in silhouette

CUE MUSIC: “Can you see the real me?” from Quadrophenia by The Who. The opening waves crash on a pebble beach, the line “Can you see the real me, can you? CAN YOU?” repeats three times.

CUE MUSIC: “Avenue of Broken Dreams” by Green Day

VIVIAN (Voice Over): When I was a child, I didn’t fit in, and I didn’t know why. I mostly played by myself and walked a lonely road.

CUE LIGHTS: moody lighting across all stage

(Moody Lighting on stage to reveal VIVIAN dressed in male clothing, She wears an overcoat and hat. She paces the stage, hunching further into the overcoat, as the song plays)

VIVIAN (Voice Over the chorus “I walk alone”): As I grew older, I discovered the thrills and delights of cross dressing: Taboo breaking, exciting, sensual. I was still lonely, but now my life had color and zest.

CUE MUSIC: “Man, I feel like a woman” by Shania Twain

CUE LIGHTS: ALL THE LIGHTS – PARTY MOOD

(On the opening beats, VIVIAN throws off the hat and shakes her long hair loose. She takes off the overcoat to reveal an oxford-cloth man’s shirt over a pair of pants. She sits at a chair and takes off her men’s shoes and slips into a pair of ridiculously high heels, in which she teeters and strikes poses. On the phrase “short skirts” she pulls away the pants to reveal a gaudy, sparkly mini-skirt over stockings. She knots up the front of her shirt to form a cropped blouse. By the end of the song she is a cross-dresser’s interpretation of a blousy blonde.)

VIVIAN (Voice Over): My Cross dressing went through the predictable arc of “splurge” and “purge”. I lived without it for almost a decade. Even without the clothing, my inner sense of female-self grew stronger.

CUE MUSIC: “Reflection” by Christina Aguilera from Mulan soundtrack

CUE LIGHTS: Dim down to reflective mood

(Facing the mirror, VIVIAN slowly removes the gaudy, overdone cross-dress clothing and unknots the shirt. By the end of the music, she’s wearing the shirt as a robe and is otherwise nude.

VIVIAN (Voice Over last few bars of the music): It took a tragedy, my son attempting suicide, to bring things into focus. My female-self emerged with the strength, love and compassion to deal the situation. After my son was safe, I knew I had to transition, to become female, to become my true self.

CUE MUSIC: “See Me, Feel Me” by The Who from Tommy soundtrack

CUE LIGHTS: Stay in reflective mood, then simulate bright surgery lights

(Back to Audience, Vivian swaps the blue shirt for a blue hospital robe. She faces audience and takes off the blue robe, revealing a matching pink hospital gown underneath).

(Voice Over fourth time through the refrain): After my final surgery, I wrote this in my Blog: “I look in the mirror and see myself for the first time. A little bruised, a little dumpy, a little older, but its myself I see.

CUE MUSIC: “I’m free” by The Who from Tommy soundtrack

CUE LIGHTS: Big finale

(Vivian exuberantly rejoices in her freedom. Depending on venue / audience, she throws off the pink robe and revels in being her naked female self, saluting the audience and encouraging them to applaud).

(On music fade, VIVIAN sits back down on her chair, considering herself in the mirror)

Now what?

(/SCENE)